Monday, February 16, 2015

Open Letter To Tyga (oh dont it...yaaaaaah...oh my gawd)

Dear Tyga,

    First off I would like to apologize on behalf of my city for the bottle throwing incident and for Honey Cocaine being shot. Now on to that real shit…why would you leave a fake booty stripper with dermal piercings in her cheeks for a teen that just turned 17? Why would  you want that kind of stress fam? Let me break down the heartache a nigga feels when he’s dealing with a young lady in the social media age…especially if she aint two turds in a depends diaper aka she aint shit.

    Now you’re scrolling through IG(Instagram) and you come across a your baby’s page, and it aint nothing but thirst traps! I mean its so many valleys of cleavage you’d think Marvin and Tammi came back to collab for the 99 and the 2000. But you telling yourself, “it aint that bad, my baby just like showing them thangs off for me, cause we aint always together” then yo black ass click on the pic and you see the comments…aint nothing but eggplant emoji’s, cats, and splashes of water up n down them comments and that aint the worse part…you know whats even sadder? She’s commenting back on every damn eggplant, fam! So now you done grabbed your prayer cloths and spoke to Jesus and had a conversation with ya mama about the love of your life entertaining dicks on IG. Ya mama warned you, ya daddy told you not to catch feelings, but now you sitting on the bathroom floor in yo draws sweating, crying with snot dripping out ya bell pepper nose playing Russian roulette with her activity tab on IG. You finally click on that activity tab and all you see is her liking pix of niggas free ballin’ in grey/gray sweatpants and she commenting with heart eye emojis with peaches and splashes of water. How the fuck can you deal with that stress?! Tell me Tyga! You don’t need to be aging like a banana dealing with that nonsense. 

    Or maybe you are part of the crowd that uses twitter logic in the real world, maybe you read that tweet that said, “25 for a man is like being 17”. Don’t use twitter logic, you will never find happiness fam. I promise you, just look at how they said that $200 dollar dates were the move, but slandered folks that spent $700 on dinner…that poor couple twitpic’d their receipt thinking they pleased the section 8 area of twitter and caught hell…not slander, but hell. Tyga don’t use twitter logic, it’ll have you tweeting your feelings towards a Canadian rapper and deleting the tweets only to suffer from screen shots cause trailer park twitter wanted clicks for their blog.

     So in conclusion, Michael Ray Nguyen-Stevenson leave that young girl alone, you got Caillou and Chyna beefing on twitter. Her mother aint gon do shit but have you speaking like a castrated old navy employee named Jarron but he doesn’t want to offend the whites so he goes by “Jerry” aka Kanye’s white amerikkkan voice and she’s gonna have you on E! performing a remixed version of Rack City for the opening sequence of Kylie and Kendall Take Okoboji. And you won’t get a dime from publishing. But hey if you wanna take that trip to find out for yourself go ahead, we’ll see you on VH1’s couples therapy tryna work things out with Tila Tequila.

Big Homey Double


No comments:

Post a Comment