Wednesday, September 5, 2012

McChicken for President

              So I went to the Chi to check out some apartments. Yeah, I’m thinking of making the move out of the glorious state of Nebraska. I took the Greyhound to Chicago and that had to be the most uncomfortable ride…ever. First off, I made the mistake of sitting in the back by the restroom. People kept walking by bumping my damn seat and most of all the smell of 20+ people shitting in one stall, fam, bruh, dawg….NIGGA! Then second of all I had two midget lucha libres sitting behind me acting all fidgety. I didn’t sleep once I saw both of them go into the restroom together, I don’t know if they were secret lovers or went inside to shoot up. I believe the latter cause they came out geeked up! Walking up and down the aisles, mofos couldn’t sit still, bruh bruh. I got the Megabus back thank GOD ALMIGHTY, fam. Cleaner, double decker, more leg room and free wifi. Anyways, so after I touchdown in the Chi my stomach starts talking to me. It’s 6:30am and I head straight for Dunkin’ Donuts to get a couple of strawberry frosted donuts and orange juice please. After my DD fix I check out the bus schedule to see which busses ran south to peep out some would be apartments I found on Craigslist and My stomach is still scratching my back. So I see the golden arches, LaaawdHaaamercy! I go in and order a good ol sausage egg and cheese McGriddle. I sit down to eat my McGriddle and there it was…

            Staring me right in the face like an Optometrist, “It’s Back and Only $1.” With a picture of the McChicken!!! Nigga what?!?! The good people of Chicago were deprived of the McChicken? This can’t be life, kemosabe.  Ahwuuuuuuuuh?! The McChicken is the official chicken sandwich of the after-hours crowd. Niggas know about that “I only got 3 $20’s for the club and I spent $10 to get in and blew $45 on the cute girl and her ugly friends buying em all long islands only to get her @ name on twitter and her instagram handle, my gas tank been on E for 4 days lemme throw this $4 in the tank to make it home and to work for the next week, Now my stomach growling and I gotta buck left and a dime in the ashtray for a McChicken life.”

            Also the McChicken has been the official sandwich of the working class and “middle class”.  I put middle class in “” because we know that it doesn’t really exist…haves and have-nots. The McChicken works miracles for the poor. One can feed two toddlers, one can feed a teenager, or adult woman, it might take two to fill up a grown man but hey that’s just $2 plus tax. Hell, one time I only had some milk and a box of chicken helper fettuccini alfredo and a total of $3. I drove right down to Mickey D’s and got two McChickens no mayo diced up that faux chicken breast and made the best damn alfredo known to my black ass, fam.

            After watching the conventions I'm conviced that the muthafuckin McChicken will do more for the working class than O’bama or Romney. If the McChicken could run for President I’d vote for it, just as long as the caramel sundae is on the ticket for Vice President.  Feed the streets, bruh, aka “McChicken for President.”
Twitter: @abeezy17

Grind Hard like a Rusty Gear

It’s been a minute since I’ve blogged, but I’m right back at it like I left something. I’m gonna speak on grinding, now you’re asking, “but, A.B. what is grinding?” Well, grinding simply means working hard and putting in overtime. Now that that’s out of the way lets speak on grinding and how to correctly grind, bruh bruh.

                So I’m gonna start with the negative…this ain’t grinding, fam: Grinding is not chilling at the crib and collecting that government money when you’re an able bodied person. That’s a hustle and a damn slow one at that. I don’t wanna see any more tweets, FB updates, or Black Planet updates speaking on your grind if you collecting guvment checks. My nigga, grinding ain’t chilling at ya baby mama’s house playing Let’s Dance on the Wii, waiting on her to break you off 3 $20’s for the weekend. Hey boo, grinding ain’t sucking and fucking for rent…wait never mind do whatever you can to keep the lights on. To these quarter of a quarter brick weed men:  grinding ain’t selling a couple of nicks so you can cop a 10 to blow away the stress of being a “heavy weighter”.  Graduate, bruh bruh.

                “What if I fall in to all of those categories, A.B.?” There’s hope for you yet, playboy. If you collecting those gubment checks, you got two choices, A: get a job and still collect those checks for a couple months pulling in double income or B: Flip that guvment/gubment money. “How do I flip deez gubment chex, A.B.?”  Here’s a few ways: Cop a jalopy from Craigslist and resell it for more. Go thrifting and place those items on eBay and let them sell themselves. With the rise of sneakerheads hit the Finishlines, Champs, Niketowns, FootActions, & outlets, cop kicks and resell em at a higher price. Those are just a few ways to flip that gubment/guhment munny. If you’re chilling at ya BM’s waiting on those 3 20’s ain’t no hope for you, fam. You still got that little boy allowance mentality. You ain’t trying to grow up until it’s too late and you on the MAT bus riding around to different temp services being a victim of ageism. “Uh, Oh, Um, Tron you’re 62 and you don’t have any job skills.”  If you out here f*cking for rent: be safe and get checked on the regular, boo. Niggas, if you out here f*cking for 4/$5 banquet dinners and DirecTV, you might as well hit the track or Craigslist, cause you selling yourself short. Be all that you can be, gigolo. For the 1/8th of a brick pushers, graduate, fam. How do you do that? Keep slanging that oregano and catnip. Sleep with one eye open, same clothes for 3days straight, and believe in your product. Before you know it, you’ll have your own corner runners.

                I know this shit is entertaining but if you’re really trying to jumpstart your grind just keep these tips in mind courtesy of Tariq Elite:

1.       Research The Goal and write down every detail of your plan.

2.       Never Fear Failure

3.       Do not compare yourself to anyone in the field you’re going for.

4.       Keep a Positive Mindframe

5.       Remember Past Successes when you get down and doubtful.

6.       Take time for complete silence aka meditation.

7.       Block out Media Scare tactics

8.       Think of new ways to execute

9.       Do not pile too much on yourself


“We chasing money like hide & seek, anything we find we keep, on the road to riches, making bold decisions, gotta choose a choice and I chose to get it…at times it feels impossible, but I’m Tom Cruise, I’m on a mission.”  -Q.B.

***Always remember the point of grinding is to come home with more money than you started with…
TWITTER: @abeezy17