Tuesday, May 29, 2012

YOLO Global

One Try.

"Now she want a photo, but you already know though, you only live once, that’s the motto, nigga YOLO…”

            What inspired this blog was the fact that I was wondering, “When the hell is that joint mixtape from Drake and Rick Ross dropping?” Then I was like do the people who follow pop culture and are sheep know the real meaning of YOLO?  We all know it means You Only Live Once, but let’s take a look at some scenarios of YOLO misused shall we?

            You shouldn’t use YOLO if you tryna decide between copping a pair of Retro J’s or paying your light bill. I mean think about it do you really wanna be sitting in the dark with some phresh kicks on? Oh my bad you got a couple of burfday candles, one “lady and the tramp” stick candle, and three glade joints, YOLO!!! Nigga’s, having romantic lit rooms when the fam or his boys fall through…f*ck outta here! Tryna save face only inviting the bad bitch you attracted with ya new J’s over in the day time. “Um…why ain’t my phone charging?” “Awww girl, you know my outlets be trippin’, YOLO”

            Now you’re asking ya self, “I need another situation where YOLO is used incorrectly.” I got you, fam.

            Have you ever used YOLO as an excuse to do hoodrat stuff with your friends, like the YOLO ambassador Latarian Milton? You know the lil chubby 7 year old kid that took his people’s SUV out for a spin and then a few weeks later whooped his G-Ma in the Walmart deli cause she wouldn’t get him some yard bird, YOLO. So before you sit around on some Dead Presidents plotting type sh*t on how to knock over ya local credit union, think about ya leather cheerios’ virginity. No one likes rape and that’s what happens in prison…rape, Tom Dubois was right. And you doing a 15 year bid screaming YOLO in the showers and screaming YOLO while you share ya commissary cookie with resident He-She named Twan. “I had to what I had to do to survive, my nigga, YOLO!!!” I mean ask ya self, “Would I rather be judged by 12 or carried by six?” If ya answer involved any variation of YOLO è“Shit, nigga, I’m down for anything!” “LEGGO!” and the big one, “NIGGA, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK, LETS DO IT!!!” There’s no hope for you, fam, bruh, dawg. Don’t use YOLO as an excuse for criminal activity.

            YOLO is bad for ya health if used in the wrong context, besides rape and death by lethal injection or jail shanking…there’s ya sexual health. YOLO can’t be an excuse for you not buying condoms and being out here dicking down Keisha with the phat ass and collection of Jordan heels. “Shit, this 12 pack of Magnums the same price of a value meal at BK…Im hungry, YOLO.” Now ya belly full and Keisha got ya dick full of blisters. The gift that keeps on giving, not love, but herpes. Nas warned you about “*** with the Iverson jersey ***** **** with herpes”, but y’all weren’t listening, YOLO.

            Ladies, YOLO isn’t an excuse for you to run through lil crip crip and his crew…AT THE SAME DAMN TIME (turn the pitch correction on I need to sound like Future)! You got a dick in ya puss, one in ya mouth and both of ya hands cupping balls AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! Why? Cause lil crip crip had that new peach ciroc and was rocking some retro J’s, but ya phone couldn’t charge (see what I did there?), so you couldn’t call ya homegirl to talk you outta the crip crip fuck fest. So the only thing popped in ya head was, “You only live once that’s the motto, nigga, YOLO!” thanks to you only listening to Power 106.9 who plays The Motto 12 times every hour.  I know some ladies have that fantasy of taking on multiple men and being pleasured for hours by them, but here’s the kicker: none of them niggas in lil crip crip crew believe in rubbers, they’d rather spend that magnum money on BK. So luckily you didn’t contract on STD, but now you on Maury testing four niggas for the paternity of your K.I.D. YOLO. Lil crip crip ain’t paying for no kids, boo thang.

            You only live once means to seize your life. A lot of the times we live for other people. Think about this: there are a lot of people in the grave who spent their whole life working for someone else’s dream (peep the mission statement next time you clock in at work) instead of chasing their own. Now I’m not telling you to quit ya job just because you’re not your own boss. You need to earn a living but make that money work for you. Let that money fuel your dream, no matter how outlandish ya dream may be go after it. Channel your inner child and use that childlike belief to your advantage so that you will never lose sight of your dream.  You’re never too old to be what you were meant to be. YOLO. That’s the fucking motto.

Editor’s note: I “*” Ike cause that’s the name of my brother from another, he need to ride on Nas for that disrespectful line or sue for defamation of character. And I “*” light skin due to my allegiance to the “Yella Nigga Coalition” we don’t slander our own, word to my freckles.

Follow me on twitter: @abeezy17, hash-tag search: #BlackOmaha…if you’re black and live in/from Omaha start hash-tagging ya tweets with #BlackOmaha, to let the twitterverse know that we exist!!! Salute with the right never with the left when you see me! Let’s not disrespect the servicemen and servicewomen. Salute!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Does she hold you down or slow you up?

Sisters get respect, bitches get what they deserve/Sisters work hard, bitches work ya nerves…”-Jigga Man.

            So I’m listening to Bitches & Sisters when this blog hit me. I’ve been in and witnessed heaux ran relationships. Straight up sprung off of a heaux. So hopefully this blog will help all my fellas that are blind in the heaux matrix to open their eyes, yo. I want you to step outside of your relationship and have an “outside looking in” perspective of your relationship.

            If she’s not helping you progress then she’s causing you stress. Ya queen should be ya cheerleader, not an opponent. Just keep that in mind, fam. The blatant disrespect that us men put up with, is some sh*t out of a science fiction novel. It seems like guys are too shook to let their nuts hang and set their queen straight. Women want a MAN, why do you think all these fake lesbians are laid up under a Waka Flacka Flame look alike in some Air Jordan fusions? Cause that dread head heaux is more of a man than your sensitive ass, fam.

            Do you have to baby sit ya queen because she X’s out of twitter or Facebook when you’re near her? Leave that heaux, but take that Acer Netbook you bought her for yawl’s 2week anniversary.  I can bet her DM’s are filthy on twitter. Her messages on Facebook probably consist of when the next local rapper can run a train with his crew in YOUR twin bed. She ain’t worth the stress, got you poppin blood pressure pills cause she put on her Jordan heels and jersey dress.

            I made the mistake of dating a chick who had “nothing but male friends because she didn’t get along with females.” My dumbass was like oh that’s cool she’s like one of the guys. This heaux would ditch me to play video games with niggas. Me, being naïve was like aw ok that’s whats up. Maaaaaan, this heaux was slapping skins with old jitney driver looking ass niggas. Bruh…fam…dawg…nigga. Most disrespectful sh*t I have ever endured. And the reason she didn’t have female friends…chicks couldn’t trust her around their men. So fellas, ALWAYS be cautious around the heaux that has nothing but male friends. Even if she isn’t giving up the nappy dugout, all of her straight male friends just waiting for you to f*ck up and hope that she’s so emotional distraught that she will tell one of them to dive deep. Niggas is savages, yo.

            If ya queen is checking for ya friends…leave bruh bruh. If she insists on answering the door in boy shorts and a spaghetti strap tee with no bra while you’re in the bathroom battling ya bowels…leave her. Any respectable woman will put on a robe at least and inform her king if his friends come at her sideways and check him. She shouldn’t be texting ya boys either without your knowledge. And if ya queen got numerous dick pix in her phone that ain’t yours…she’s gone. She bussin it open on facetime and skype for some nigga who rocks Arab middle of the mall jewelry, my condolences.

            Then you got the nightclub heaux. She’s always out with her girls and leaving you stuck at home with an empty stomach and wallet. Comrade, its ok for her to have a girls night out but if its every night…check her. You keep ignoring her girls night out and 9months later SIMILAAAAAAAAC *in my TUUUUUUU CHAINZ voice. Don’t be that “crying ass, no matter what, Maury I’m taking care of that baby even if it’s not mine” nigga.  But also don’t be that “emo ass Joe Budden Ordinary Love Shit I’m beefing with my girl, Flex, drop a bomb on her” nigga. Let her fly, she don’t want a stable life, she still in the mode of figuring out what she wants and needs to experience life SINGLE.

            Now you’re asking, “A.B. what is a good woman?” Well, pleighboi, (hits Birdman hand rub) a good woman has a few key characteristics:  Independent (Webbie voice is in my head word to Rocsi) she makes her own $$$, doesn’t need to be babysat, and is self-sufficient to a point (guys love to come in and save the day).  You don’t need a woman who seems to fall to pieces whenever you’re not around. It’s nice for her to miss you though. Sexual, I don’t know about y’all, but there is nothing like a woman who is comfortable in her sexuality. She likes to be pleased and she likes to please. Attraction is key: whenever you see her, you want to jump on her, whether at home or at Best Buy in the home theatre section. Beauty, she damn well should hold your attention, I mean, we men are visual creatures. BUT most importantly she is comfortable in her own skin and takes pride in her appearance for herself. If you are lucky enough to find a woman like that, let her know how you appreciate how hard she works to look good, yo.

            Respectful, she respects you, your career, your family, and most importantly herself. She doesn’t clown you in front of your people, she waits until it’s just the two of you. To gain her respect you need to be on point and don’t have “New Nigga” characteristics. “What’s a ‘new nigga’ A.B.?” (peep my previous Blog: Bitch Made). She lets you be a man, I ain’t talking about lampin around the house smelling like onions and old bus seats, I’m talking about letting you have ya boys over to watch The Spurs run all over the Western Conference! And she’s only interrupting to see if you’re doing ok on drinks and snacks. This is a two way street, you gotta fund her shopping sprees with her besties or leave her the hell alone if its girls night at the palace. Remember if her besties are men, you let that heaux  fend for herself, fam.  She gets along with fam and friends, so important and self-explanatory.

            She loves you, no question about it, she loves you for you. She’s able to tolerate your bad habits like farting in public no matter if it’s a smoke grenade or operation devastator. The way she looks at you lets you know how much she loves you.

            Most important (well tied with she loves you), She makes you want to be a better man. I don’t know if you have ever had “I do this for her” feeling. It’s like GOD put a battery in a back and you can’t fail or the equivalent of getting a Mario Star running around the planet feeling invincible. It’ll have you doing things you never thought you could accomplish. It’s a beautiful thing, yo.

            In conclusion, if she is causing you heartache as well as a headache, leave. Now if the headache consists of her nagging cause you’re working part time, hollering at heauxs on twitter, and living that PS3 life, she has a right to nag.  Don’t question ya queen and reference my blog if you are out here being the walking version of Nick Cannons’ platinum hit “Gigolo”.  And remember:  get that wild child out ya system before you start a relationship, crisis avoided.

Follow me on twitter, yo: @OmahaHostage #SALUTE!!!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Bitch Made

         I feel like an old man shaking his fist on his porch yelling nonsense to the younger generation. I really don’t like what I see in pop culture and those in my generation (80’s babies). Hell,  90’s babies and late 70’s babies, also. I feel like the Male is an endangered species. So many “men” take on the characteristics of strong women that raised them that they forget what an actual man is…I’m not going to go in to the whole straight/gay debate, f*ck that. Omar from The Wire nipped that gay stereotype in the bud. Moving on to the point I’m trying to make is this new nigga sh*t is not gonna fly if you want to make it in Amerikkka.

            HipHop inspired this blog, I was reading about the Rihanna slander courtesy of Chris “Beat Em Down” Brown & Aubrey Drake “I Shed Thug Tears” Graham.  While reading about their lyrics from a couple of songs degrading her, all I could think is “New Niggas” have no chill factor. Shock factor? Nope. Was I impressed? Hell no.

            You may be asking yourself, “But, AB what is a ‘New Nigga’?” A new nigga doesn’t have anything to do with age. I know some old “new niggas”. A new nigga is this new breed of ass hanging out the top of Jordache jeans wearing coons. The type to fist fight a woman because she said something slick. The same nigga you see in the middle of the dance floor poppin his “bussy” harder than any chick in the club. The type of nigga that sends questionable text messages like, “Hey”. Nigga did you just “Hey” me?! Nah, fam. Same coon that gets excited when the DJ plays “ass, ass, ass, ass,” and recites Nicki Minaj’s whole verse. Y’all get the idea.


     Where did this non-masculine attitude come from? Lack of father figures and powerful women raising us. Yes I said us. My pops wasn’t there for me, but I had League Basketball and mentor programs(Thanks, Mom). Enough about me. Those are the main sources if you ask me. Young boys sitting up under these women listening to that, “Ya daddy aint shit, these men aint shit” rhetoric turned in to bitch made new niggas. To my queens in the single parent struggle don’t kick that rhetoric to ya prince. He will grow up unsure about himself and fail to develop in to a self-sufficient man.

            Fellas, look in the mirror and ask ya self, “Am I a new nigga?” “Do I mooch off women?” “Do I run whenever real niggas come in to the spot?” “Do I blame all of my struggles on my baby mama?” “Have I ever fist fought a woman?” “Does the top of my jeans stop just below my ass cheeks and ball sack?” “Do I have a Barbie chain that I copped from the Arabs at the middle of the mall kiosk?” “Can I cut the cake better than Rihanna?”  “Do I worry more about what the next nigga thinks, instead of these women?” “Do I own a hello kitty iPhone case?” “Do I consider myself an E-Thug?” (Electronic Thug). “Do I only drink light beer to watch my figure?” “Do I own a Lisa Leslie WNBA jersey?” “Do I get wet when a new Drake song leaks?” “Do I know the names of all of the basketball wives as opposed to current NBA players?” “Do I prefer Moscato over Henny?” “Do I shed thug tears when life becomes too much?”

            If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you sir are a new nigga. Don’t shed a thug tear just yet, there is hope for you. Look in the same mirror that you asked the new nigga questions and say, “I AM A MAN, NEW NIGGA!!!”  “I REBUKE YOU, NEW NIGGA!!!” Then proceed to be a man. “But AB, what is a man?”


·       A man lays claim to who he is and what he has.

·       A man looks out for children.

·       A man listens as opposed to hear.

·       A man knows the difference between what’s important and what isn’t.

·       A man doesn’t gossip and he rations his words.

·       A man is strong

o   No complaining

o   No pettiness

o   Firm

·       A man is focused.

·       A man knows the importance of family

o   Blood

o   Organization

·       A man knows his word is his bond.

·       A man strives to be a role model.

·       A man makes his own fortune.

o   No handouts

o   No Charity

o   Rule 40-Despise the Free Lunch

·       A man doesn’t look like a woman.

·       A man keeps his house in order

o   Cleanliness

o   Stable Home Life

·       A man can defend himself.

Boom. There it is. This sh*t doesn’t happen overnight it takes years to be the complete package. New nigga don’t fret just keep re-reading this blog if you find yourself twerking to Superbass. Peace and may the man force be with you, son.

Follow me on twitter, yo… @abeezy17

Friday, May 4, 2012

Nicki & Who Else?

As we all know Twitter is the land where normal people seem famous and famous people seem normal. A couple of weeks ago Nicki Minaj got tight because her fans were defending a fan site that posted download links of her 2nd album. Nicki deleted her twitter and all was lost in twitterville.  Eventually Nicki came back to twitter, but it made me think, “Once her light burns out, who will fill the void?” At the time of the hissy fit I thought it would be the perfect time for a femcee to step out of Nicki’s shadow and throw some rocks at her throne, but nothing. How do you just turn your back on the people who made you, especially when your income and livelihood depends on it? Smh. Fame is a beautiful drug, but still a drug nonetheless.

            So who else is on Nicki’s heels? *Crickets Iggzackly!!! Why hasn’t there been any successful female emcee’s since Lil Kim, Foxy, Queen Latifah, and Lauryn Hill? And I don’t even know why I put Lauryn Hill on the list, yes Miseducation was great, but that was one hot album. Since then she has not released anything remotely close to that album. Lady Luck and Remy Ma had a spark, but then nothing. I know HipHop is a male dominated genre, but the past “femcees” I listed broke in to the game with their own unique style. Thought I forgot about the pitbull in a skirt? Nah. Eve was the one that I knew would keep going strong, she could make a hot song with classy sex appeal, but also trade bars with the best of the best (RR). Eve knew how to make a hit, but then POOF. Vanished. Last time I saw Eve she was hugged up on some rich Caucasian guy, but do whatever you can to keep the lights on.

            Nicki is in a lane all by herself, that’s why she has so many fans and supporters. That’s the reason she can turn her back on those who made her and not lose an ounce of sleep. This really just irks me because it means the world to me when someone tells me that they like a song we (B.O.M.B.) have made or quote a lyric from one of our songs. You have to give back to those that support you and those that are fans. “You niggas got some audacity.”-B.I.G.

            I believe in opportunities and striking at the perfect time. That whole Nicki fiasco on twitter was perfect for a femcee to step in and take over. Remember when the Westcoast was running rap, then Diddy, Craig Mack, and Biggie said fuck that let’s show em how it’s done on the East. It didn’t end well for them except for Diddy, I see you topping the HipHop cash cow Forbes list. B.I.G. is followed by R.I.P. Craig Mack joined a Christian cult. (Yes, just youtube Craig Mack & Cult) Another situation where MC’s stepped in and stepped up during a huge event was Jay-Z & Nas once BIG and Pac died. “Seems like New York’s been soft, since Snoop came through and crushed the buildings, I’m tryna restore the feeling…”-Jigga Jay stepped up his commercial appeal and became arguably the greatest rapper of all time. Once Jay “retired” what did Dwayne Carter do? He stepped in and claimed he was, “The greatest rapper alive, since the greatest rapper retired.” Wayne linked up with DJ Drama and dropped some of the hottest music HipHop has ever heard. Those drought mixtapes put Weezy F. (still don’t know what the F is for) Baby in a lot of people’s top 5 MC’s list.  Drake took over the Kanye backpack crowd at FIRST when Kanye was mourning and dropped 808’s & Heartbreaks. So ladies keep that 16 ready for when the opportunity presents itself.  I guarantee it’ll present itself soon. Y’all heard all that damn singing on Nicki’s second album she’s coming for Lady GaGa(14:59:59) ç see what I did there 15min of fame and Katy Perry’s spot in pop(popular) music.

            My advice to the ladies who want to break in to HipHop as MC’s is this: Know how to make a hot song, relate to the ladies(kick that fly shit about heauxs being jealous of you, love, romance, party n bullshit, being fly), look damn good doing it for the fellas(if the ladies are dancing to it and your looking good rhyming we buying), be yourself you can only have a gimmick for so long, do not become a  knockoff of past femcee’s (it’s ok to be influenced by them, but don’t become them), & most importantly that video vixen to MC transition is not a good look, yo. Awww yeah and don’t give up remember someone is always listening. No plan B’s when you chase your destiny- Me.

            And before anyone gives me hell about not mentioning Missy, Miss E., Missy Misdemeanor Elliot, chill. She’s something waaaaaay more than a femcee. That’s creativity at it’s finest. I wouldn’t dare categorize someone who’s that damn futuristic.  And the Lil Kim/Nicki beef didn’t get touched because the general populations fuck meter was in the negative.

            “Female Emcees, they don’t ever hit the target, somebody said they saw Amil working in a Target.” –Joe Budden

            Y’all be cool and even cooler once you follow me on twitter @abeezy17, I might start doing podcast real soon so be on the look out for that, yo. Peace.