Tuesday, May 29, 2012

YOLO Global

One Try.

"Now she want a photo, but you already know though, you only live once, that’s the motto, nigga YOLO…”

            What inspired this blog was the fact that I was wondering, “When the hell is that joint mixtape from Drake and Rick Ross dropping?” Then I was like do the people who follow pop culture and are sheep know the real meaning of YOLO?  We all know it means You Only Live Once, but let’s take a look at some scenarios of YOLO misused shall we?

            You shouldn’t use YOLO if you tryna decide between copping a pair of Retro J’s or paying your light bill. I mean think about it do you really wanna be sitting in the dark with some phresh kicks on? Oh my bad you got a couple of burfday candles, one “lady and the tramp” stick candle, and three glade joints, YOLO!!! Nigga’s, having romantic lit rooms when the fam or his boys fall through…f*ck outta here! Tryna save face only inviting the bad bitch you attracted with ya new J’s over in the day time. “Um…why ain’t my phone charging?” “Awww girl, you know my outlets be trippin’, YOLO”

            Now you’re asking ya self, “I need another situation where YOLO is used incorrectly.” I got you, fam.

            Have you ever used YOLO as an excuse to do hoodrat stuff with your friends, like the YOLO ambassador Latarian Milton? You know the lil chubby 7 year old kid that took his people’s SUV out for a spin and then a few weeks later whooped his G-Ma in the Walmart deli cause she wouldn’t get him some yard bird, YOLO. So before you sit around on some Dead Presidents plotting type sh*t on how to knock over ya local credit union, think about ya leather cheerios’ virginity. No one likes rape and that’s what happens in prison…rape, Tom Dubois was right. And you doing a 15 year bid screaming YOLO in the showers and screaming YOLO while you share ya commissary cookie with resident He-She named Twan. “I had to what I had to do to survive, my nigga, YOLO!!!” I mean ask ya self, “Would I rather be judged by 12 or carried by six?” If ya answer involved any variation of YOLO è“Shit, nigga, I’m down for anything!” “LEGGO!” and the big one, “NIGGA, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK, LETS DO IT!!!” There’s no hope for you, fam, bruh, dawg. Don’t use YOLO as an excuse for criminal activity.

            YOLO is bad for ya health if used in the wrong context, besides rape and death by lethal injection or jail shanking…there’s ya sexual health. YOLO can’t be an excuse for you not buying condoms and being out here dicking down Keisha with the phat ass and collection of Jordan heels. “Shit, this 12 pack of Magnums the same price of a value meal at BK…Im hungry, YOLO.” Now ya belly full and Keisha got ya dick full of blisters. The gift that keeps on giving, not love, but herpes. Nas warned you about “*** with the Iverson jersey ***** **** with herpes”, but y’all weren’t listening, YOLO.

            Ladies, YOLO isn’t an excuse for you to run through lil crip crip and his crew…AT THE SAME DAMN TIME (turn the pitch correction on I need to sound like Future)! You got a dick in ya puss, one in ya mouth and both of ya hands cupping balls AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! Why? Cause lil crip crip had that new peach ciroc and was rocking some retro J’s, but ya phone couldn’t charge (see what I did there?), so you couldn’t call ya homegirl to talk you outta the crip crip fuck fest. So the only thing popped in ya head was, “You only live once that’s the motto, nigga, YOLO!” thanks to you only listening to Power 106.9 who plays The Motto 12 times every hour.  I know some ladies have that fantasy of taking on multiple men and being pleasured for hours by them, but here’s the kicker: none of them niggas in lil crip crip crew believe in rubbers, they’d rather spend that magnum money on BK. So luckily you didn’t contract on STD, but now you on Maury testing four niggas for the paternity of your K.I.D. YOLO. Lil crip crip ain’t paying for no kids, boo thang.

            You only live once means to seize your life. A lot of the times we live for other people. Think about this: there are a lot of people in the grave who spent their whole life working for someone else’s dream (peep the mission statement next time you clock in at work) instead of chasing their own. Now I’m not telling you to quit ya job just because you’re not your own boss. You need to earn a living but make that money work for you. Let that money fuel your dream, no matter how outlandish ya dream may be go after it. Channel your inner child and use that childlike belief to your advantage so that you will never lose sight of your dream.  You’re never too old to be what you were meant to be. YOLO. That’s the fucking motto.

Editor’s note: I “*” Ike cause that’s the name of my brother from another, he need to ride on Nas for that disrespectful line or sue for defamation of character. And I “*” light skin due to my allegiance to the “Yella Nigga Coalition” we don’t slander our own, word to my freckles.

Follow me on twitter: @abeezy17, hash-tag search: #BlackOmaha…if you’re black and live in/from Omaha start hash-tagging ya tweets with #BlackOmaha, to let the twitterverse know that we exist!!! Salute with the right never with the left when you see me! Let’s not disrespect the servicemen and servicewomen. Salute!

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