Twitter is
better than cable at times and when I say at times I mean most of the damn
time. Yesterday between stops, I was on twitter seeing what “fake rich twitter”
was lying about. “Fake rich twitter” is the group of folks that like to slander
anything you Twitpic or tweet about that their jealous of or didn’t think of
first. Christmas day they were slandering people over 30 who got gifts…cause
apparently if you’re over 30 and get a gift they feel that you still live in
your parents’ basement. I would slander folks for getting gifts also if all I
had to offer on Christmas was my opinion and eating turkey flavored hot pockets
for Christmas dinner. But that’s another story. I ran across “genius twitter”
and their thoughts on relationships. “Genius twitter” is the group of millennials
under 25 that have life figured out. Think about your younger sibling or cousin
when they were a teen and they had life all figured out…well that’s how “genius
twitter” tweets read.
So “genius
twitter” decided to talk about how masturbation while in a relationship is
considered cheating. A young lady with a lot of followers from “genius twitter”
stated along the lines of that when she would get a man he would not have to
jack off at all, because she would keep his ball sack empty. Praise white
Jesus, for that sentiment…but let’s be real you can’t be there all the damn
time or in the mood when your man is in the mood. And what amazed me yesterday
was that so many women and men agreed with the young lady. Now I believe for
the men agreeing that they wanted some love shown back from shawty, cause you
know niggas will do anything for an RT or follow back from a pretty lady on
twitter. They will throw their own kids under a speeding bus named slander for
a “lol” response.
But back to
the ladies that agree…is that true? Would you consider your man a cheater if
you caught him babysitting some knuckle children with his iPad playing “Booty
Talk vol. 237”? I say that it’s perfectly fine for your partner to masturbate,
just as long as the masturbation isn’t preferred over the real thing. For
example your girl comes to bed completely naked and wants to cuddle…you push
her away and take your lap top to the bathroom, light a lavender scented
candle, grab a faux silk nut rag, and proceed to turn on “New Jack Whooty vol
69”. That’s when you need to take a step back and realize that you’re addicted
to porn or you need to have ya lady step her sex game up. And if it’s the
latter there is nothing but joy in sharing with your lady about how you like to
be pleased and vice versa.
It could
always be worse…like instead of your partner masturbating, they could go out
and seek that orgasm from someone else. Your man or woman could be on
craigslist or backpage paying for that nut. And bringing home a dick or vag
that’s been coated with molten lava. Or in other words an STD/STI. If your
partner is masturbating, don’t look at it like “there’s something wrong me, my
partner isn’t attracted to me, etc…” Sometimes you just need to get a quick one
off and your partner isn’t around or in the mood. Fellas, if she isn’t
comfortable with you squeezing one off, you just gotta send her a vid of the
money shot while she’s at work with a caption that says your thinking about
her.
Now if
he/she breaks up with you for being a masturbator then well you didn’t take
your partner on enough $200 dates, cause you know “twitter logic”.
Follow me on Twitter @OmahaHostage and that’s Omaha
Hostage…not Omaha Ho Stage… ( ._.)
“I’m
on twitter, tweeting like it’s just you and me.”
#KeepFightingTheGoodFight
#WeWorking
#BlackOmaha
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