Tuesday, April 17, 2012

No Church In The Social Network Society

   Yo, what’s good it’s ya boy abeezy, AB, Double, Adrian, but let me chill with the names. I was gonna kick some ish about twitter etiquette, but it’s apparent that the etiquette needs to be kicked for all social networking sites, fam. So I’m gonna kick each social networking site separately, for the slow and for those that feel like I’m not talking to them and just want to be entertained.


            This cesspool is about to reach a billion users, fam. I swear once they opened FB up to the Junior High drop outs all hell broke loose. Niggas is e-thugging all over Facebook. You got TaQuan “FukBkloodzCuhz” Watts, Lataqina “IgetsStoopidPapuh” Brown, Jennifer “Ni99azAintShitSoIplayEm” Jackson, and Twan “MunnyOvaBitchesPushinWaitLikeScarface” Jones. Cut. That. Shit. Out. I and the rest of the Facebook world just laugh at you. Y’all know that employers are now searching FB whenever you fill out an application for employment. What the f*ck am I thinking?! Niggas aint tryna get a job with names like that…silly negro, my bad. Still most of yall got mama’s in their early 30’s who are on FB also, so make her proud and take that monkey sh*t down, you embarrassing her.

            These profile pix, fam, bruh, nigga. Fellas, I understand you getting “paypuh”, but chill with the Chinese fan of 20’s . Bruh Bruh it’s $160 you holding, if bitches falling for that…ask ya self what happens when those 8 20’s run out? Also the pistol pix ain’t doing sh*t but making you a target for the police department, same goes for the weed/xtc/coke pix. Heauxs yall gotta chill with the head tilt duck lips in the bathroom toothpaste stained mirror pix. I don’t care how many “likes” you have on the pic, most of them are pity likes or likes cause desperados heard that you were easy, yo. The posse pix will put you in a bad position if ya girlfriends are waaaaaay sexier than you. You’ll have a million “likes” and a billion comments like “Aye who’s shorty in the jersey dress and Jordan XI heels, ma?” “What’s ol girl on the left in the Jeggings and old navy flip flops with the Citi trends tube top?” Ladies take that pic down as ya profile pic cause niggas like me be thrown off once we send that friend request and see who you really are in ya other pix. Delete Friend? Yes. F*ck Yes.

            Fellas, if she has nothing but close up pix or pix from the neck up, 9/10 she built like a lawn bag full of leaves and twigs, yo.

            Y’all do know that there is a notes link on FB when y’all feel like Clarissa explains it all…so chill the f*ck out with the status updates containing “Read More” links. I don’t give a f*ck and given the amount of likes and comments ya real friends don’t give a flying Sandusky (see what I did there) either. I know ya thumbs are hurting punching ya boost mobile keypad that much. It’s ok to vent…just not on social networking sites…f*ck outta here with that sh*t, yo.

            Relationships are dangerous on FB, every time I see LaJuana “ScorpiosAreThaShiznit” Banks is in a relationship with BigBlood “Tyrelle Johnson” Suwoooh, I think to myself, “This sh*t gonna last 3months top”. AAAAAAAaaand what happens BigBlood banging out fat back chicks behind LaJuana’s back. How did he meet those chicks? Facebook. Whenever ya relationship change niggas, bitches, coons, coonettes, and whoever else start flooding ya inbox on some sabotage sh*t. Don’t put ya relationship troubles/accomplishments out on FB. Jealousy and Envy runs strong with the single.

            If you see me online don’t hit me up when you don’t have anything to talk about.  Hey. Hey. What you doing? Nada, You. Sh*t just seeing what you doing. Adrian is no longer online…f*ck outta here.

            Chill with the numerous youtube post of romantic heart break songs, you going through it, I get it, but I also don’t wanna go through it. Chill. Please.

            I don’t care about the numbers game or like my status to hear what I REALLY think about you. First off you come off desperate for attention, second you don’t look like Miss Cleo, and third don’t post another status saying “Yall weak for not playing my game.” Forever Alone. Enough with this Facebook coonery.


            I tweet like my freedom depends on it, but I’m also entertaining with my tweets. Just ask my followers. I. Love. Twitter. Why? Because twitter makes regular 9-5 people seem like celebrities and celebrities seem like regular 9-5 people.

            With that said please chill @’n every celebrity you come across, you seem just like a damn groupie. If you are please chill and save some dignity before ya tank hits E. I see some niggas tweets just consist of @S_C_ (jigga’s twitter) “we need to do a track together” blah blah blah blah…fam sit yo ass down.

            Hashtag is when you put the # before a word or phrase to attempt/participate in a TT(trending topic). PLEASE STOP HASHTAGGING WHOLE SENTENCES!!! So annoying, bruh.

            The tweets is watching: meaning chill with the subtweets or subliminal tweets. Just @ that mofo or DM (direct message) them. Quit being a pussy. That DM game is a dangerous one especially with screen caps/shots. A chick will set a thirst trap (a sexy pic or horny tweet) and soon as you DM her, she screen capping you on instagram…coldblooded. They should’ve never taught these heauxs how to hold down the power button then menu button.

            F*ck that commonsense deaf nigga @iRespectFemales.

            Don’t Retweet too many tweets cause that can get you unfollowed fam. If all you do is RT ya horoscope, I don’t care how sexy ya avi is niggas gonna drop off ya followers faster than the Mary J. BK ad…Krispee Chikuuhn, Frash Lettuss…3 Cheezus(holds up Index, Middle, & Ring fingers on both hands)…wranch dressun…rapp’d up innuh…tastee flowuh torteeyuh. And don’t RT common sense tweets and pretend that sh*t is sooooooo deep like Buddha tweeted them himself. Ex: “If you run in the street against traffic you’re bound to get hit. Think about it.” OOooooooooh that sh*t was so deep, fam. Jesus said it from the cross. So many fake prophets on twitter.

            Make sure to change ya avi as soon as you create your twitter account. If ya avi is an egg 7/10 people will hit you with the 2 piece aka Block+Report As Spam. No duckface avi’s, no pistols or drugs either.

            If you’re ever on the end of slander from a follower or some corny muthaf*cka don’t react and just roll with the punches. If you’re up against someone who has a bunch of followers like a celebrity be prepared to battle all of em or just let em vent. You don’t need that headache from the Stans. Most of em live to make others miserable, they really be pouring their heart out behind that acer laptop or that virgin mobile celly. God Bless em. Twitter wars are only for the thick skinned and witty, but remember if the person is a celeb just chill cause you can’t battle 400k-million + stans, yo.

            Depending on who you follow you might want to turn off pic preview on twitter. I’ve seen some things that the average person should never witness, but that’s another story.

            If you play your cards right you can actually link up with some pretty talented people via twitter.  If you tweet sh*t people can relate to you will definitely gain followers. Also it looks cooler if your followers total is more than the actual people you follow, fam.


            Quit posting pix of food and if you’re a video model/stripper just post pix of you bussin it wide open or in skimpy clothing. Niggas don’t care about seeing pix of Grandma Moses in her church’s finest attire.


            I don’t really f*ck with this sh*t, fam. After I got the invitation a while back, I was excited until I realized how lame it was.


            Ladies keep the ass shaking videos coming. Niggas chill lip synching to Rihanna records.

            Mocospace (broke-hoe-space):

            Don’t change sh*t. If you looking for a buss down make sure you have an account on here. Flash that Chinese fan worth of 20’s and ya inbox will be full of phone numbers attached to messages containing an address. All you need is a clean T-shirt, a 5th of Paul, and a blunt. The most illustrious moco-heaux will buss it open for you, bruh bruh based off that criteria.


            Put ya best music up and leave the struggle on ya mixtape. Remember what Diddy said, “F*ck yo dreams, nigga. This reality.”

  In conclusion if you follow my rules you’re bound to be a social network star, so with that said, May you’re life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.

Follow me on twitter @abeezy17, my comrades @Bogaurd_Da_Sgt, @InfamousPRIME, and @BlackOpsMusic

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