I am at a crossroads with this new position that I am in at my plantation. I am making damn good money, but how much is my soul worth? That’s the question I keep asking myself. I know that I deserve this promotion, but I’m not about hindering who I am to keep these paychecks coming in. “Domino, domino, only spot a few blacks the higher I go…”
Others see me in this position of power and it gives them hope. It gives them reason to keep striving towards the top, but I’m at “the top” and I see a reflection when I look higher. The glass ceiling. Is this what it’s all about: making $40k a year, skinning and grinning, while the pressure builds in your life outside of work to the point that all you have is the glass ceiling? This can’t be life. I’m 30, I told my mom and grandma that I would be my own boss by 35, my grandma laughed at me, but my mom believed in me. I believe in me. I have two ventures that I am working on, DND and Black Omaha. I am letting this new job get the best of me and take up so much of my time outside of work. I know that I am salaried, but I need to just donate 8hrs to that plantation and nothing more. I am using the excess money to fund DND and Black Omaha. I am growing impatient because I see how this story ends, I’m just not a fan of rough beginnings.
Back to this 9 to 5…I thought I wanted the stuffy clothes, the power meetings, the work email attached to my iPhone…I don’t. I want my tattoos to show, I want to be able to spend more time with those that I love. I never thought that I would say that I value freedom over money. You would think that not having money for so long and finally getting it you would do anything to keep it…wrong. Freedom > $$$. Cash doesn’t rule everything around me. I honestly believe that you can do what you love and get paid for it. You don’t have to suffer to succeed. You just need an amazing work ethic and positive outlook on life.
The Amerikkkan dream wants you to work hard at a job you hate and then retire at 65. Only then can you enjoy your freedom. After you have wasted 40+ years of waking up early, taking sh*t from your boss, stressing over deadlines etc. I don’t want to wait until I’m retired to enjoy my life and those around me. Why can’t I enjoy the retirement lifestyle at age 38? Who says that I can’t? The tv? The newspaper? The blogs? Politicians? Fuck em. Some people are fine working for others and waiting on the good to come to them, that’s fine. For them. Not me. This is Amerikkka, the country that once loved and cherished the self-made man/woman. They still do, but in this era you don’t see the hardwork that they put in, you just see the final product and the media spins it like it’s some sort of overnight success story.
I know I can do it. It’s just overwhelming at times being the first to do it. I gotta regain focus and turn this 9 to 5 money into buy money. I will only be happy once I am my own boss.
Twitter: @OmahaHostage and @Black_Omaha