Wednesday, September 5, 2012

McChicken for President

              So I went to the Chi to check out some apartments. Yeah, I’m thinking of making the move out of the glorious state of Nebraska. I took the Greyhound to Chicago and that had to be the most uncomfortable ride…ever. First off, I made the mistake of sitting in the back by the restroom. People kept walking by bumping my damn seat and most of all the smell of 20+ people shitting in one stall, fam, bruh, dawg….NIGGA! Then second of all I had two midget lucha libres sitting behind me acting all fidgety. I didn’t sleep once I saw both of them go into the restroom together, I don’t know if they were secret lovers or went inside to shoot up. I believe the latter cause they came out geeked up! Walking up and down the aisles, mofos couldn’t sit still, bruh bruh. I got the Megabus back thank GOD ALMIGHTY, fam. Cleaner, double decker, more leg room and free wifi. Anyways, so after I touchdown in the Chi my stomach starts talking to me. It’s 6:30am and I head straight for Dunkin’ Donuts to get a couple of strawberry frosted donuts and orange juice please. After my DD fix I check out the bus schedule to see which busses ran south to peep out some would be apartments I found on Craigslist and My stomach is still scratching my back. So I see the golden arches, LaaawdHaaamercy! I go in and order a good ol sausage egg and cheese McGriddle. I sit down to eat my McGriddle and there it was…

            Staring me right in the face like an Optometrist, “It’s Back and Only $1.” With a picture of the McChicken!!! Nigga what?!?! The good people of Chicago were deprived of the McChicken? This can’t be life, kemosabe.  Ahwuuuuuuuuh?! The McChicken is the official chicken sandwich of the after-hours crowd. Niggas know about that “I only got 3 $20’s for the club and I spent $10 to get in and blew $45 on the cute girl and her ugly friends buying em all long islands only to get her @ name on twitter and her instagram handle, my gas tank been on E for 4 days lemme throw this $4 in the tank to make it home and to work for the next week, Now my stomach growling and I gotta buck left and a dime in the ashtray for a McChicken life.”

            Also the McChicken has been the official sandwich of the working class and “middle class”.  I put middle class in “” because we know that it doesn’t really exist…haves and have-nots. The McChicken works miracles for the poor. One can feed two toddlers, one can feed a teenager, or adult woman, it might take two to fill up a grown man but hey that’s just $2 plus tax. Hell, one time I only had some milk and a box of chicken helper fettuccini alfredo and a total of $3. I drove right down to Mickey D’s and got two McChickens no mayo diced up that faux chicken breast and made the best damn alfredo known to my black ass, fam.

            After watching the conventions I'm conviced that the muthafuckin McChicken will do more for the working class than O’bama or Romney. If the McChicken could run for President I’d vote for it, just as long as the caramel sundae is on the ticket for Vice President.  Feed the streets, bruh, aka “McChicken for President.”
Twitter: @abeezy17

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